Keep on dreaming. :)

Somebody, somebody. ♪

2010-04-17T20:45:00.005+08:00

Huh. It's only been a month and a half since I last blogged. Felt longer than that.

Would it make sense if I said that I feel like a whole different person? Been introspecting quite a bit. Discovering newfound dreams. Getting closer to new friends. Starting to really and truly believe in myself and I'm growing more and more confident each day. I'm not quite the person I was in secondary school. I'm not sure if that would occur to my friends or family. But I feel it somehow.

If it's even possible, I think I've matured a whole lot as well. Imagine that. haha!

Ahh.. you know, experiences help you grow. Now that I've gotten over some past hurts, there's still the remnant of bitterness.. The dreaded fact that reality did not match up to my perception just leaves me.. resentful and morose. A 9 year old chip on my shoulder.

Well that's that.

At this point, I've got an entire loooong road in front of me, a wide expanse of horizon just begging to be explored. The world's my oyster, it's in the palm of my hand.. if I just keep faith and focus on my goals.. and not let certain drawbacks deter me. I'll just have to put aside some voids that can only be filled later on.

Step by step, Mel. Step by step.

Sometimes I wonder though, as I'm moving along, and life passes by, what about the ones I'm leaving behind? And what if I miss good stuff along the way because my attention is solely on what's ahead?

Am I the only one who's all set on the future and am I the one who's going too fast or do others just find it easier to be contented than me? Which brings up yet another question, am I being ambitious because I really really want to achieve dreams that seem untouchable? Or is it because I secretly want to make up for things that I'm missing out on?

2010-03-02T19:25:00.002+08:00

Blog will be closed indefinitely.

No worries. :)

A standing ovation?

2010-02-27T21:01:00.011+08:00

I think it's about time I went back to writing in my journal/diary. I would never tire of putting down my thoughts and feelings into words.

I'm just not so sure if I don't mind other people knowing about it.

You see, making a blog private can be quite pointless. When people ask for permission and a small part of you may wish that the particular person did not ask for it but yet you just can't deny the person outright, well.. it sort of defeats the purpose in the end, doesn't it?

And also, certain.. experiences make me want to put up my defences even higher.. hopefully, I won't be so vulnerable anymore.

And even if I still remain vulnerable, why would I want people to know about it? Giving a person the key to knowing how to break you is just.. dumb. I don't want that to happen.

So yes maybe this blog will not die completely, I can't really bear to part with this "channel" for my random thoughts or interests.. it's a small but nevertheless somewhat rejuvenating hobby of mine. But I don't think it will really be the same..

I feel like a different person.. changing. I dunno if it's for better or for worse.. but yeah, like Noah Bennett tells Claire in that "annoying-Heroes-Season3-commercial-that-is-always-played-in-between-Idol-breaks" : College is the place for reinventing yourself.

I have learned how to differentiate between the different kinds of friends in life - there are the ones to keep, treasure and remember, then there are those to keep at an arm's length and converse with on a superficial "mutualism" level, and lastly, there are those whom are best ignored and completely erased from your mind.
That was quite a show. Very entertaining.
Aiiih. I'm becoming more of a cynic everyday. Not surprising given the fact that I have realised how often and in how many ways I have either been used or pushed around.

Define "lucky".

2010-02-26T10:10:00.006+08:00

You know, Taylor Swift can't sing.

I mean, I didn't want to focus on the few times I've seen her sing live.. but all those performances were seriously abysmal. Quite disappointed. I mean she is a fantastic songwriter.. but honestly speaking, she wouldn't even make it past Idol auditions.

The reason why I liked her all this while was I think, what she and her songs embodied - that dreams can come true.. that the underdog/awkward girl-next-door can become a huge superstar. And that the girl who's secretly loved a guy from afar can actually get him in the end.
Huh. Maybe I am growing up in ways.. doesn't mean that I'll become a cynic.. I hope.

Also, reports of her supposed diva-like attitude in Australia did not help things.

According to an Australian paper, Taylor recently had a Diva breakdown while dining at a Teppanyaki restaurant in Brisbane. A source revealed to the paper:

“The chef asked her if she was ready to catch the egg, she said yes and it fell on her. She completely flipped out and ranted and raved. After being calmed down the chef asked her if she was ready for some rice, again she said yes, but once she caught it she threw it back at the chef.”

Rumor has it that Taylor is also above opening doors for herself as well, having the hotel staff grab every door for her before walking through.

Hopefully it's just a false rumour. I'd hate to see someone who was originally genuine and pure, turn into first-rate diva. It's Lindsay Lohan all over again.. loved her in Parent Trap and ten years down the line, she goes lesbian on me, goes drinking all the time, gets herself into jail etc.

Finally? Hopefully. :D

2010-02-25T20:32:00.000+08:00

I think I just had an epiphany. If it's really true, it's the one I've been waiting to have for.. a decade now.

OMIGOSH! IT'LL MAKE HISTORY.

Not quite sure yet if my hypothesis is true.. I'll have to put it to the test.

Please God let this finally be over and done with! :) Looks good. *crosses fingers*

Public Declarations of Love - Modern style.

2010-02-25T08:06:00.002+08:00

A man paused his wedding ceremony while he and his new wife updated their relationship statuses right there, on their smartphones.

It's kinda amusing to see how ways of showing commitment or affirming love have evolved along with technology. You're not official until your FB relationship status states it.

So much more than that.

2010-02-21T18:07:00.010+08:00

Ya know, the best books are ones that don't make you think too deeply. They just make you laugh really hard at some parts, and makes you break out into cheesy smile and go "aww" at other parts.

That's my ideal book - A comfort read that brightens up your day. Somehow only a Kinsella book can have that effect on me. (Never liked her Shopaholic series though. *crinkles nose*
I think her newest one (which isn't that new) is her best so far! :)
Weirdly enough, I don't really like comedy/chick-flick movies. huh. Maybe because funny scenes end up looking dumber-than-life when it's portrayed by actors. Just isn't the same... I like action movies! :D Not sure if people find that surprising since I seem to give off a 'serious, often philosophical person who likes serious dramas all the time' kind of vibe. -___-

Another thing is I wonder why people think I'm so serious all the time? I'm not! Fine if you don't really know me then I'm all proper, mature and responsible. I know all these adjectives apply to the first impression I give because we had this sort of "ice-breaking" game during the first Rotaract Club meeting. I mean, I'm honoured and all but.. I sound like an old fart at the same time.

Even during the Rotaract interview (to become a Board Member), Xi Jing, the current President went like: "I can see you're a very serious person.. so I suppose you're aiming for the Pres./V.P post?

My internal reaction was: o____O but of course I didn't let that show. I just kinda rolled with it..

I mean all I said was that I liked to go online often when they asked about hobbies (and I added: not for online games.) Hello? I didn't want to seem.. well, come on, during interviews of course no one in their right mind would want the interviewer to think that they play games all day long right?

But that doesn't mean I'm very serious.

You Act Like You Are 26 Years Old

You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life.

You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up.

The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?

In another test, I got 24/26 years old too, that test seems more detailed in terms of questions they asked >>> Click here to take.

26 isn't that bad.. right? =/

Oh, my sis got 17 or 18 when she's only turning 13 this year.. (can't believe it, she seems so.. flighty and capricious to me. :P)

Hoping for the best. =x

2010-02-19T22:26:00.003+08:00

KUALA LUMPUR: Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) results will be released in the second week of next month.(March 2010)

“Students can obtain the results from their schools towards the end of the second week,” said Education director-general Datuk Alimuddin Mohd Dom.

The results have been released around this time for the past few years.

A total of 442,936 students sat for the examination last year

Source: The Star

Last year's date was March 12 so.. maybe it'll be the same thing this year? Or 11th, because March 12th was a thursday last year but it's a friday this year. I'm just speculating, heh.

May God bless us all. Amen!

I miss ?

2010-02-18T19:01:00.004+08:00

Idol update: You know those two idol audition vids I put up a while back? Jermaine's and Andrew's?

Well, they both got into the top 24! :D ..dang, I have good judgment. woohoo!

I never really had a partiality for female vocalists. Don't really know why exactly.. I mean, clearly my choices of guy singers aren't based on looks. I mean, seriously.

P.S. There's a guy called Alex Lambert in the top 24 this season. Doesn't look anything like last year's Adam Lambert but still.. deja vu much? They are both A. Lambert.

*
Q: Is there such a thing as coming across as too capable?

I'm sorry, but I'm kind of a European Historical junkie.

2010-02-17T15:50:00.006+08:00

Just finished Jane Eyre at 1+ this morning. Around 510 pages.. took me 5 days to wade through the stuff. I finished the 7th Harry Potter book in 7-8 hours. You can imagine how heavy and complex the way of writing was.

But it was worth it. :) Really beautiful stuff. In its description, the language, everything.. (though if I'm being honest with myself, I skimmed the lengthy depictions of scenery.) I did try to absorb every sentence. :D

Mind you, the Gothic level was like 8.5 out of 10. Dreary setting.. a downright horrific character. Omigosh the hero's (Mr. Rochester's) scary madwoman first wife is like.. a Caucasian version of the girl from The Ring/Ju-On. o.o

Dark, depressing scenes and sentences aside, there are many lyrical, poignant lines.. and they outnumber the eerie ones by far. Essentially, this novel revolves around feminism and a woman's fierce independence. She's a very head-over-heart type of woman. All this and more makes me kinda pity the two guys in my lit class since it is a part of our syllabus. Well, hope the gothic elements make up for it? haha.

"He is not of your order: keep your caste, and be too self-respecting to lavish the love of the whole heart, soul, and strength, where such a gift is not wanted, and would be despised."

"I had not intended to love him: the reader knows I have wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; and no, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously revived, green and strong! He made me love him without looking at me."

---

Just for your info, this book is included in practically any and every formally done list of top 100 books ever. If you don't believe me, try searching and prove me wrong.
P.S. Yy, the same can be said for Great Gatsby too! Only on American lists though. Brits are quite snobbish, I must admit, as they seem to mainly acknowledge British works.

Next up, I should pick up Wuthering Heights. Supposed to be better than Jane Eyre. :O The authors of both books were sisters by the way. Talk about sibling rivalry.

Trivia tidbit: Mia Wasikowska, the girl who plays Alice in the upcoming Tim Burton movie, is also going to act as Jane Eyre in a new movie adaptation of the novel next year. Ahah coincidence much?

..I realise many of you will not be able to relate to this post in any way.. except maybe Germaine, fellow lit enthusiast. :D hii ger, if you have time to read this. I bet UK's the bombb. Can't wait to hear all about it when you're back here in April!

I actually turned my laptop on so that I could finish my psychology essays, not to blog about a 19th century novel.. anyway, 3 more to go! -.-

I wonder.

2010-02-15T21:58:00.003+08:00

Chinese New Year's here!

2010-02-13T22:03:00.007+08:00

Went back to the old school on Friday. :)

Glad to see nothing's changed.. well, it has only been a few months so I shouldn't be surprised. It's nice to feel like you've never left. It's comforting to have a place that's so familiar to you and you're always welcome to return. (The latter is only applicable if you're dressed appropriately, according to Mr. Tay. :/)

We even had the privilege of having chairs prepared for us along the corridor. =O
Speaking of privileges.. this year's F1s are certainly a fortunate batch. They bring umbrellas to school to shade themselves from the sun. And most of the ones who did that were boys. Hats off to them. o.O

Anywayy.. if I'm being honest, I did not really get to meet up with some of the important people. Of course, the person who was most missed that day was miss karmunn, I think. (Bet she'll be so proud after reading this.) I didn't miss you one bit, km! Who could blame me for feeling that way since I see her at least 2 or 3 times a week? ;D

You know, boonlee asked me to wear red so I thought it'd be a dress code for all. Imagine how surprised I was when the majority wore white? -.- Failll.

*

Which is worse? Using somebody, or letting yourself be used?
The former would be unfair to another, but the latter would mean being unfair to yourself... which is just as bad, if not worse, because you should be respecting yourself.

What! A 'no panties' Valentine's Day!

2010-02-11T19:21:00.003+08:00

SHAH ALAM (29th Jan, 2010) - Female students in higher-learning institutes here are being persuaded not to wear panties on Valentine's Day as an expression of true love for their boyfriends.

The "no-panties promotion", being held for the first time, has apparently been gaining interest among the students, who are passing the news by word-of-mouth, Star Online reported.

Two students in their 20s from Shah Alam, known only as Ummi and Melissa, said they were aware of the "promotion."

"I feel it is personal," said Ummi with a smile.

Large group keen on it?

"Valentine's Day is a good time to express one's love. And, what we use or don't use is our right, our freedom. But we will do what is right. It's a new world now."

Melissa claimed that there was already a large group who planned to go ahead with it.

"We will know how many by Valentine's evening."

State Islamic Affairs Department (Jais) director Mohammed Khusrin Munawi said:

"We will not allow Muslim students to be taken in by such celebrations that deviate from the teachings of Islam."

...lol. There really are all kinds of nutcases in this country. xD
I think it probably started as a joke, but one person took it too seriously and from there, it started to spreadd..

I wonder how they can stop the "celebration/campaign" when they can't exactly check, can they?

Surprising and unsurprising both at the same time.

2010-02-10T22:08:00.006+08:00

Sis: "You know when those guys make kissy-whistle sounds and shout "Melissa!" (directed at Kuek) from the opposite block to her class, I get so annoyed."

Haha no prizes for guessing as to why she'd feel that way. *cough* same name *cough*
She says it just distracts her in class, because 1 Daisi is, of course, right behind her classroom.

It's okay, sis, I personally think you're the prettier one. Then again, most people would think I'm probably biased.. but I really don't think I am. *shrug*

2010-02-07T20:21:00.003+08:00

Flowers that bloom early don't always bear fruit.

Would you stay if she promised you heaven?

2010-02-02T23:01:00.003+08:00

Someday, I'll know. It just isn't my turn yet. :)

I'll wait.

***

You know how I've said it before that I love suddenly hearing songs that I can relate to or it reminds me a lot of my life in a certain aspect?
Rub it in my face some more, why don't you?
Well, I just realised that the converse is also true.
It's so ironic that THAT song was played today. -.-"

Believe in yourself.

2010-01-30T17:26:00.004+08:00

Believe that you have
the destiny, the innate ability
to become all
you expect of life.

You may be going through
some difficult time,
wondering about
how things will turn out.

Find the meaning of life's
struggles and accomplishments.

Don't put away
the dreams inside you.

Be hopeful and determine
to make yourself exactly
what you want to be.

Believe in yourself...

Nothing is beyond your reach.

*

I didn't write this. It's just something I got off one of those motivational posters you're supposed to hang on your wall, but mine's just lying flat on my study table. And I haven't really looked at it for a while... until now.

Reading it has given me a sense of reassurance that everything's going to be alright. :)

You know how you hear of stories about people (well, people who are Christians at least) flipping to a random page in the Bible during times of need and worry, and he or she somehow miraculously comes across a scripture that has exactly the right kind of advice or words of consolation for their situation?

That's kinda how I feel right now... Remarkable.

So proud! :)

2010-01-29T13:52:00.008+08:00

My sister got 8th in the F1-F3 female division of the Cross-Country, a.k.a. Merentas Desa in school. ^.^v

Although I heard from her that she's the only Green house runner who was in the top 20 for that category.. =/

*sniff* Proud!

Making my way through it all.

2010-01-28T22:03:00.001+08:00

Discovery of the day: I'm proud of my bu4 roots.

Ahh there isn't anything I wouldn't give to relive my old secondary school days for a day.. or a week.

Even though I love studying the subjects that I'm currently studying.

..ahh. Being in an arts/humanities class is.. different. Guess it's true what they say: you can't have your cake and eat it too.

I admit it, I'm having a hard time fitting in alright?

The few who have caught my eye. ;)

2010-01-27T19:08:00.003+08:00

I had this song stuck in my head for a while. Smoooth.

This one is better. Andrew only starts singing at 1:48. Before that is just basically his background story, which is quite touching and helps you get to know him.. but if you're just interested in having a listen, then skip ahead.

Learning to be grateful.

2010-01-24T12:10:00.005+08:00

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
- Frederick Keonig.

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose."
- Jo Courdert.

"I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries."
- Theodore Isaac Rubin.

*

Sometimes one has to learn to want what one gets and not always focus on getting what one wants. It's hard to strike a balance, especially when you just want something more.

Hold on to that feelin'.

2010-01-22T17:26:00.004+08:00

This is a cover of Glee's cover of Don't Stop Believing by Journey. This vid was introduced to me by my sister. But I'M the one who discovered Glee first. x) Love the guy's voice.

2010-01-20T22:27:00.002+08:00

In the midst of having class after class, from 8.30 to 4.30, 3 out of 5 days a week... During the breaks I have, my mind does wander.. and I do feel a certain.. void. A small tiny one that is pretty insignificant.. but it's still there.

I'm missing something.

I don't like this feeling of emptiness.

..For my sake, I hope it's just fatigue.

Well, this is something new.

2010-01-15T23:27:00.002+08:00

I got my literature reading materials today.
As I flipped through my anthology of poems, I came across one titled Kama Sutra Retold.
I read it.
And my delicate sensibilities were instantly offended.

Okay fine, it's a norm in romance novels and all but this is actually included in the academic syllabus?!

I feel.. disturbed. Sooner or later I'll have to do an analysis on it.

... talk about uncomfortable. =/

2010-01-14T08:53:00.004+08:00

Yearbook looked good to me. :D :D despite the decrease in pages. But but.. I'm satisfied. :) There were more features for ex f5s.. so I hope you guys will like it once you get it.

Anddd I love my psychology lecturer and literature lecturer! Even though both of them have this direct, sarcastic wit that is amusing until it's aimed towards you.

Taylor's! Two thumbs up so far.. hmm not sure if I'll be singing the same tune once the workload starts piling up.. =/

Gotta go for class about now. Ciaooo.

Taking a turn for the better. :D

2010-01-10T20:13:00.002+08:00

Ho yeah, college is really starting to look good right now.

I need a new start.

Know why?

So that I get a do-over. I know what I'll be missing if things continue to be like this.
I need to work on being more outgoing and honing my social skills. Blehhh. :/

It's gonna be different this time 'round. ;)

Where's the love?

2010-01-08T18:27:00.004+08:00

But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you're hating you're bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
You've got to have love just to set it straight.

[note: slightly edited for the sake of grammar.]

***

I pray this will blow over soon. Even though I don't see how it will.

I'll know it by the feeling.

2010-01-07T11:36:00.009+08:00

Attended driving seminar on tuesday with km & car. Met ash, huajie, jung, soonyi & chiapoh there too. Glad to have finally gotten it done and over with.. 'cept there's still the talk before practical. -.-
I think the lecturer guy disliked all of us ex-bu4 people. Hehe long story short, he didn't like the idea of us pulling a fast one on him. *cough* Thomas & Jack *cough*

Anywayy, it was as boring as expected. I thought I would never have to study anything in Malay ever again once SPM was over. Looks like I jumped the gun a bit. =/ Sigh.. Better hit the books.

And yesterday, I had a karaoke session with km, car, farm, shuyee and shao ann at Curve. (It is pronounced keh-ree-oh-kee, Car. Don't make fun of me for enlightening you on this fact. haha.) The few photos that we did take are in karmun's cam because, as usual, I neglected to bring my own camera. Of course karmun would bring it, since she's been waiting for this since the beginning of '09. Haven't you, km? xP

I stoned when they played korean videos, which I had already known would happen beforehand so no biggie! ...Korean girls. Hard to tell one from the other. Well, maybe it's just me.

The outing made me realise that Daughtry and Nickelback are and forever will be classic evergreen bands somehow. Credits go to Farm for selecting songs by the aforementioned groups. :D

Belting out "Over" (though probably out of tune, I admit) was.. liberating. Again, I love how sometimes you just stumble upon a song that totally resonates with what you've been going through and the underlying feelings you've had. For me this time, it's Gotta Be Somebody. :) As Car so astutely pointed out, I relate to a lot of songs. But she said it like it was a bad thing. -.-

Hmm. Meeting up with km and jiani for brunch tomorrow! Surprised to say that my social schedule this week has been pretty full. For me, anyway.

The longing for that... spark.

2010-01-05T20:53:00.003+08:00

When I got back home from the driving seminar today, my sis was just.. bursting with joy and laughter, itching to tell me what funny situations happened in school today and asking me who's who in bu4 and which club she should join.. Seeing her like that, I can't describe the.. happiness I feel for her. Really happy. Especially since she had originally intended to appeal to be sent to DJ.

Ahh. I can only hope that I'll be as enthusiastic about college as melissa is about secondary school.
You know how enthusiastic she is? She can actually wake up on time in the morning (a feat she has never, I repeat, never, in all of her primary schooldays, been able to achieve.. until now.) Before she goes to bed, she says to me: I can't wait for school tomorrow.

Wow. I hope this lasts.

I want a reason to be looking forward to college too! Not just the drive to excel and achieve my longtime dream of studying in the UK (although that is already quite a strong push).. but also, something.. lighter, cheerier, that will put a spring in my step each day as I enter campus.

Hmm. One can only hope & pray. A little faith goes a looong way!

At the beginning.

2010-01-03T20:32:00.003+08:00

So.. welcome. I don't know if my blog link / URL needs any elaboration or explanation..
I don't think fearless is an adjective that most people would associate with me haha but well, doesn't matter. I think, no, I know that in some ways, that's exactly what I am. A lot of people are, if you really think about it.

The other half of my link, "dreamer" speaks for itself. "Dreamer", I think, is definitely a word you'd link me with. Although I can't decide whether that's good or bad. =/

There you have it. I expect this blog to be as sincere and honest as my previous one (hopefully less depressed-sounding, of course -.- and I'm positive it will be). Hope college life will provide me with many interesting new experiences, new people and also inspire me to look at the world from a different angle. ;)

It'll be a journey alright. Let's get going!

You Take Yourself Seriously

You see yourself as a thoughtful and introspective person. You are very intelligent.

You think other people see you as kind, gentle, and cooperative. You try to be helpful.

You want to see yourself as independent and free wheeling. You'd like to do your own thing more often.

You identify as a compassionate and accepting person. You pride yourself on being forgiving.

Who Are You to Yourself?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding